A couple sits on a sunny park bench, the man gazing at passing clouds and the woman engrossed in a novel. Some onlookers may find them endearing, while others might view them differently. Scientists have mostly overlooked shared silences between romantic partners, focusing instead on verbal communication. However, recent research suggests that silence can be a powerful form of communication for couples, as reported by Knowable Magazine.
Psychologist Netta Weinstein from the University of Reading in the UK, along with her colleagues, conducted a series of studies exploring the significance of silent moments between partners. They categorized shared silences into three types: intrinsic, introjected, and external. Intrinsic silences occur naturally and comfortably, while introjected silences stem from discomfort in speaking, and external silences may be used to shut out or punish the partner. Silences can also be spontaneous.
Subjects were asked to reflect on recent silent episodes in their relationships, or on daily silent moments over a two-week period. Findings revealed that the reason behind a silence greatly influenced the partners’ emotions and relationship dynamics. Couples experiencing comfortable intrinsic silences reported positive emotions and high satisfaction with their relationship.
Additionally, the study found that during intrinsic silences, positive feelings were calming and peaceful rather than energetic or happy. This suggests that couples can enjoy solitude together, finding solace in their own thoughts while being in each other’s presence.
Overall, the research indicates that couples do not always need to fill the silence with conversation. Moments of quiet can be beneficial for fostering connection and understanding between partners.
“Weinstein and colleagues are exploring a topic that has not received the attention it deserves,” says Northwestern University psychological scientist Claudia Haase, who authored a 2023 article in the Annual Review of Developmental Psychology on how couples improve their emotional management skills as they age. In her current research, she observes couples interacting in a laboratory setting. While she has not specifically delved into the concept of mutual silences, she believes that these moments carry significant meaning, from the unspoken understanding during stonewalling to the comforting silence that conveys a sense of security in the relationship.
Weinstein highlights that partners often focus on the impact of their words on their significant other, but seldom consider the implications of their silences. Understanding what a partner’s silence signifies can provide valuable insights. Haase adds that one person’s relaxed silence may unintentionally make their partner feel neglected or excluded.
Couples can also intentionally create opportunities for intimate silent experiences, such as engaging in shared activities they both enjoy, like reading, hiking to a scenic spot, or listening to music together. Weinstein emphasizes that these moments are filled with love, closeness, and connection.
This article was originally produced by Knowable Magazine and has been reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
