It all started with the overflowing kitchen bin that caught my attention. Piles of used paper towels, food containers, and a squashed pizza box covered the lid. Despite our agreement that emptying the bins was my husband’s responsibility, the task had fallen to me once again. “Can you please take out the rubbish?” I asked him. Glancing over from the sink, he replied, “Oh yeah, I’ll do that later.” Frustrated, I pressed, “Why can’t you do it now? It’s disgusting!” He retorted, “If it bothers you so much, why don’t you do it?” And so we reached an impasse.
As a modern couple who had envisioned an equal partnership in marriage, my husband and I found ourselves in our mid-40s juggling full-time jobs and parenting two school-age children. Despite our initial ideals, we were no different from the norm when it came to sharing household chores. Statistics showed that women, on average, spent 57 more minutes per day on unpaid work, including housework, compared to men.
I began to feel overwhelmed by the endless cycle of housework and its strain on our marriage. From cleaning to laundry to dealing with pests, I felt overworked and unsupported, while he felt nagged and unappreciated. The burden of housework was taking its toll on us.
My breaking point came during a media event on women and family life, where a counselor shared a surprising solution. She suggested that some of her clients scheduled regular Friday night intimacy sessions to motivate their husbands to help out more around the house. Despite my initial reservations about using sex as a bargaining tool, I decided to embark on my own “Friday Night Leg Over Experiment.”
For two months, I initiated intimacy every Friday night without informing my husband, curious to see if it would impact his willingness to pitch in with household tasks. My findings, however, challenged my expectations and shed light on the dynamics of our relationship.
Week 1 marked the beginning of the experiment, with me feeling excited and ready. Surprising my husband with my initiative, I observed his delight and curiosity as the night unfolded.
Week 2: He took the lead this time, and I followed suit. Despite the busyness of our week, our time together was simple yet pleasant.
Week 3: Scheduling intimacy felt more like a chore among other tasks.
Week 4: Our interactions seemed more routine than exciting.
Week 5: After a night out, we were both too tired for passion, but I made up for it the next morning.
Week 6: I was surprised to see that our weekly rendezvous had become a reliable way to reconnect and care for each other.
Week 7: Our Friday nights together had become a regular, beneficial part of our relationship.
Week 8: The experiment breathed new life into our long-term relationship, enhancing emotional intimacy.
I stopped counting the weeks as our sex life gained new energy and our relationship improved. We both realized the importance of creating moments of intimacy instead of waiting for them to happen.
My initial fear of using sex to gain help with household chores faded as my husband started taking on more responsibilities willingly, showing increased cheerfulness and affection. In turn, I also found myself contributing more at home.
The experiment not only lightened my load but also reset our relationship, fostering greater consideration and care between us. Though I never explicitly told my husband about the experiment, he noticed the positive changes and commented on it.
As we continue to grow closer, we hope to tackle other areas of improvement, like our neglected back garden.
