Psychotherapist Owen O’Kane is observing an increase in cases of what he terms ‘chronic everyday anxiety’. With a background as a nurse in palliative care for a decade, O’Kane transitioned into psychotherapy and later became a clinical lead for the NHS. He currently operates a private practice and is the author of several books, including ‘How to be Your Own Therapist’ and ‘Addicted to Anxiety’. O’Kane is a featured expert on BBC One’s ‘Change Your Mind, Change Your Life’.
Clients often present their therapy with a polished version of their struggles, masking the true underlying issues. While initial concerns may revolve around areas like public speaking or confidence, deeper themes like self-worth or imposter syndrome often emerge during therapy sessions.
Therapists like O’Kane are seldom taken aback by clients’ narratives, having heard a wide range of experiences. Nonetheless, a client’s story may resonate with the therapist’s own past, which can be a beneficial aspect of the therapeutic process.
The primary role of a therapist is to support clients in navigating their narratives, symptoms, obstacles, and pathways to healing. Central to this journey is the cultivation of hope.
Owen O’Kane, a familiar face on BBC One’s ‘Change Your Mind, Change Your Life’, highlights that feelings of shame, helplessness, or unworthiness often underlie common life challenges. These emotions frequently trace back to childhood events or unresolved trauma.
Although anxiety has long been prevalent, O’Kane notes an uptick in cases of chronic everyday anxiety characterized by feelings of overwhelm, burnout, and uncertainty. Left unaddressed, this chronic anxiety can escalate into more severe acute conditions.
Even seemingly unrelated concerns such as anxiety around the environment often stem from deeper personal questions about safety, coping abilities, and managing uncertainty.
O’Kane identifies the five most common everyday issues he encounters in his practice, such as feeling overwhelmed by daily demands. In response, therapists aim to dissect these challenges, explore internal reactions to stressors, and offer practical strategies to manage these difficulties while also challenging underlying beliefs and expectations.
Some individuals may often declare that life is unfair or overwhelming. Instead of adopting a rigid mindset towards their challenges, it might be more beneficial for them to cultivate a more adaptable attitude. Embracing uncertainty, allowing for imperfections, and seeking support are all valid strategies. It is essential to acknowledge that individuals may unknowingly exacerbate their own issues by attempting to exert excessive control, leading to inner turmoil.
In the realm of relationships, whether it be intimate connections or interactions with friends and colleagues, difficulties are commonplace. Relationships have a unique ability to expose our vulnerabilities and trigger strong emotions. Conflicts may arise, with each party perceiving events through their own lens of interpretation. It is easy to fall into the trap of blaming others for negative emotions, but taking ownership of one’s feelings is crucial. Recognizing one’s emotional reactions and considering alternative perspectives are key steps in resolving relationship challenges.
When faced with relationship conflicts, it is recommended to follow a four-step process: identifying personal triggers, refraining from immediate reactions, exploring different viewpoints, and engaging in conversations with a balanced mindset. Taking responsibility for one’s emotions is emphasized, except in cases of extreme circumstances like abuse or violence.
Addressing dissatisfaction in one’s job is another common concern. The question “Why stay?” prompts individuals to reflect on their motivations for remaining in a job they dislike. Often, the perceived need for financial stability masks deeper reasons for reluctance to change. Prioritizing mental well-being and recognizing the brevity of life can serve as powerful motivators for seeking alternative career paths. Overcoming the fear of change and breaking free from comfortable yet unfulfilling routines is essential for pursuing happiness and fulfillment.
Encouraging clients to assess the costs and benefits of their current situation can aid in making informed decisions about their careers and relationships, leading to positive changes and personal growth.
Consider making a change instead of staying stuck in misery. Embrace the possibility that a new job could bring more happiness than your current one. Finding a new role may not be as daunting as you think and can boost your confidence in the long term.
Recognize harmful coping behaviors like excessive drinking or other maladaptive strategies that may be hindering your well-being. Rather than avoiding feelings, consider healthier ways to soothe yourself, such as exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness.
Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others on social media. Many people struggle with unfulfilled relationships and jobs, but blaming yourself won’t bring happiness. Instead, challenge your beliefs and focus on addressing the internal factors affecting your well-being.
It’s important to acknowledge that external achievements won’t necessarily lead to lasting fulfillment. By exploring your true feelings and working on personal growth, you can find a path to genuine happiness.
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