Struggling with friendship issues? We consulted with 9 experts to provide solutions. (Photo Illustration: Yahoo News, images: Getty Images) While much advice focuses on finding a romantic partner, the importance of close friendships should not be overlooked. Strong bonds with friends are crucial for overall well-being, offering mental health benefits, protection against depression, and even promoting longevity. Friendship goes beyond just enjoying each other’s company; friends provide support, companionship, and a listening ear during life’s challenges. They lift us up, offer comfort, and remind us of our worth.
Despite the significant role friends play in our lives, navigating friendship challenges can be tough. Whether it’s waiting for a bridesmaid invitation that never arrives, worrying about disappointing a sensitive friend, or feeling like a therapist to someone, friendship issues can arise. If you ever find yourself questioning your friendships, know that you are not alone, and there are solutions available. Yahoo Life consulted with friendship experts to address common questions about maintaining healthy relationships with friends.
Meet the experts:
Alexandra Hayes Robinson, advice podcast host of Hello Hayes
Molly Burrets, clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and women’s mental health
Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship expert and host of the Friend Forward podcast
Tori Dunlap, financial expert and author of Financial Feminist
Marisa Franco, psychologist and friendship expert
Caitlin Begg, sociological researcher focusing on relationships and technology
Morgan Cope, assistant professor of psychology at Centre College
Jessica Speer, author of BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)?
Alex Alexander, Friendship IRL podcast host
Have a specific concern? Click on a topic below for guidance:
Weddings and special occasions
Making and ending friendships
Dealing with conflict and expectations
Financial matters in friendships
Technology’s impact on friendships
Navigating complex friendship dynamics
If you’re facing a specific issue, click the relevant topic above for tailored advice.
“Friends support each other.” – Alexandra Hayes Robinson
What should I do if a friend I thought I was close to doesn’t invite me to their significant life event?
In such a situation, it’s important to recognize any misunderstandings and process any resulting feelings. Discovering a misinterpretation in a relationship can be painful and may lead to feelings of embarrassment. It can be helpful to identify and express these emotions to a trusted individual in your life. Consider alternative explanations for not being invited, such as a small event with limited space rather than a personal rejection. If you believe you were intentionally excluded, it may be best to distance yourself from the friendship without confrontation. – Alexandra Hayes Robinson
How do I inform someone expecting to be in my bridal party that they won’t be?
When addressing this situation, it’s best to be direct yet understanding of the individual’s feelings. Acknowledge that their importance to you extends beyond the role they hoped for. Communicate the decision thoughtfully, expressing that their presence at the celebration is valued, even if not in the anticipated capacity. Offering an alternate role, such as participating in a different aspect of the event, can demonstrate appreciation for their relationship and involvement. – Danielle Bayard Jackson
How close should I be to someone before inviting them to my wedding?
There are no strict guidelines for determining wedding guests. Consider those whose absence would truly impact your celebration. Evaluate your motivations for inviting individuals, ensuring they align with your event’s purpose. Reflect on whether the desire to invite someone stems from genuine connection or other factors like obligation or societal expectations. Clarifying your objectives and criteria can help streamline the guest list process. – Danielle Bayard Jackson
When is it acceptable to skip a friend’s birthday celebration?
Personal circumstances vary, and the decision to skip a friend’s birthday party depends on individual dynamics. If the friend places significant importance on your attendance and the relationship holds significance to you, prioritizing their event may be appropriate. Consider the level of importance the friend attaches to your presence and evaluate your commitment to maintaining the friendship.
It’s important to keep in mind the need for thoughtful gestures, such as sending a gift or expressing regret for not being able to attend an event. If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t attend and it may cause tension, consider how you can effectively communicate your regret. Showing love, concern, and celebration, even if you can’t be physically present, is key.
– Danielle Bayard Jackson
Establishing and nurturing friendships as a busy parent can be challenging. While caregiving and work responsibilities often take precedence, maintaining social connections is vital for reducing stress, connecting with peers, and staying true to yourself. Meeting other parents during school pickups, at the park, or through child-focused activities is a direct way to forge new friendships. Additionally, consider pursuing personal interests like joining a yoga class, starting a book club, or exploring a hobby to meet like-minded individuals. Take small steps and keep expectations realistic as you venture into new social opportunities.
– Jessica Speer
Knowing when to let go of a friendship is crucial. If thinking about a friend depletes your energy, or you feel disconnected and unfulfilled in their company, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Instead of holding onto unrealistic expectations, consider adjusting your outlook on the friendship. Focus on enjoying shared interests and light-hearted interactions, rather than seeking deep emotional connections that may not be reciprocated. By managing your expectations and communicating openly, you can potentially salvage friendships and prevent resentment.
– Alexandra Hayes Robinson
Navigating the end of a friendship requires tact and empathy. Friendships evolve, and it’s okay to outgrow certain relationships or decline social invitations. Communicate your feelings kindly, keeping the focus on your own perspective. Respectfully declining invitations while acknowledging the other person’s efforts allows for a graceful exit from the friendship. Remember that while this particular friendship may not align with your current needs, it could be a perfect match for someone else.
– Anonymous
Moving forward, I regret to say that I must decline your invitation as I am unable to allocate time for us to spend together. I hope you understand.
When it comes to handling friendships, it is important to consider whether ghosting a friend is ever acceptable or if it is always best to have open and honest conversations about any issues that may arise. Research shows that ghosting can have negative effects on both parties involved, leading to feelings of guilt, lowered self-esteem, and uncertainty about the friendship’s status. While friendships naturally evolve over time, prolonged ghosting can strain relationships. However, in cases where personal safety is a concern, it is acceptable to prioritize one’s well-being by choosing to disengage from a friend.
Dealing with a clingy friend requires empathy, reassurance, and honesty. It is important to address their needs with compassion and communicate your boundaries clearly to prevent misunderstandings that may exacerbate their clinginess. Understanding that clinginess often stems from past experiences of insecurity can help in approaching the situation sensitively.
Maintaining boundaries with a friend who is overly dependent on you involves setting limits while offering alternative sources of support. It is essential to validate your friend’s feelings while also emphasizing the importance of seeking support from other individuals to ensure a balanced and healthy relationship dynamic.
Knowing when to address conflicts with friends depends on the impact they have on the friendship. If a conflict can be overcome without affecting the relationship, it may be best to let it go. However, if the conflict leads to feelings of discomfort or inauthenticity within the friendship, it is crucial to have an honest conversation to address the issue and strengthen the bond.
If your friend is consistently treating you as their therapist and venting to you, it is important to evaluate your own boundaries and communicate them effectively. Encourage your friend to seek appropriate professional help while emphasizing your role in the friendship and the need for a balanced exchange of support.
Here are the rewritten texts:
1. Are you experiencing a need for a change in dynamics with your friend? Are you feeling overwhelmed by your friend’s reliance on you? Do you feel like the support is one-sided? If you feel an urgent need for change, it’s important to communicate honestly and directly. Let your friend know that while you want to support them, you are starting to feel burnt out or that the support is imbalanced. Acknowledge that your friend is going through a tough time and suggest alternative sources of support, such as a professional therapist or support group. Reassure your friend that you value their trust and want to support them, but you also need to prioritize your own self-care. — Molly Burrets
2. How should I handle a friend who is overly critical? Before reacting, consider if this criticism is consistent with feedback from others or if your friend might be projecting their own issues. Have an open conversation about how their critical comments affect you. It’s normal for them to be defensive initially. Building a friendship where tough conversations can happen takes time. If the criticism persists, consider limiting what you share with this friend or distancing yourself to focus on more supportive relationships. Your friendships should be uplifting, not constantly critical. — Alex Alexander
3. What to do if I discover a friend is talking about me behind my back? Approach the situation with curiosity rather than assumptions. Share what you’ve heard with your friend and seek clarification before jumping to conclusions. There might be underlying reasons for their actions or unresolved conflicts that can be addressed together to strengthen your bond. By initiating an open discussion without blame, you may find an opportunity for reconciliation and deeper understanding. — Marisa Franco
4. Is it acceptable to tell a white lie to a friend, like about their outfit? Consider whether your friend seeks your opinion or validation. If they’ve already made a decision, offering reassurance or validation can be more important than honesty. However, if your feedback can help them make a better choice, honesty is crucial. Tailor your response based on whether your friend is seeking advice for future decisions or affirmation for past choices. — Marisa Franco
5. How to handle a friend who never repays borrowed money? Lending money to friends can be complicated. Remember that there’s a risk involved when paying on behalf of someone. If your friend consistently fails to repay you, have a candid conversation about setting clear expectations for repayment. Establish boundaries to protect your finances and the friendship. Consider alternative ways to help your friend without putting your own financial well-being at risk.
It’s important to consider the possibility that you may not have your item returned to you. This could be due to various reasons, such as having a friend who is not reliable or encountering unexpected circumstances. Therefore, it is advisable to only lend an amount that you are willing to part with. If reminding your friend politely about the money owed is not effective, you can suggest an alternative approach. For instance, propose that they cover a similar expense to what they owe you, like saying, “If you pay for this drink, we can consider it settled for the drinks from last week.” If the situation continues to be challenging, it might be necessary to establish a boundary. When the bill arrives, a simple statement like “Let’s split it!” or “I’d prefer to handle this separately rather than using Venmo this time” could help resolve the matter. — Tori Dunlap
When declining a request to lend a personal item to a friend, it is best to avoid doing so if possible as there is a risk of not getting it back. However, if you choose to proceed, treat it as a gift that you are comfortable potentially losing. This approach can prevent feelings of resentment from arising and safeguard you from extending yourself beyond your means to assist your friend. If you find yourself needing to refuse a lending request, setting a clear boundary is essential. Sometimes a simple statement like “I cannot afford to do that at the moment” is sufficient, and remember that “no” is a complete sentence. If you wish to soften the response, consider offering support to your friend in ways unrelated to the item or money, such as saying, “I cannot lend it to you right now, but I’m here to help in other ways if you need me.” This conveys that your decision is not personal and that you are still willing to be supportive. — Tori Dunlap
When navigating differing financial situations among friends, particularly concerning trips or social activities, it can feel challenging to address. However, open communication is crucial in maintaining valuable friendships. It’s important to be honest about what you can afford while also emphasizing the significance of your friendships. For larger expenses, such as a trip, setting expectations early on is beneficial. Simply asking questions like “How should we split the costs?” or “What are your budget considerations for this?” can pave the way for a transparent discussion. A helpful approach is to share your preferences and limitations honestly. For instance, if planning a trip, discuss accommodation choices and cost-sharing options with your friend. This can lead to compromises that work for both parties, ensuring mutual understanding. When setting boundaries for social events, consider using a “Gratitude Sandwich” technique. Express gratitude for the invitation, clarify your budget constraints, and end on a positive note to maintain a supportive and understanding relationship with your friend. — Tori Dunlap
We could meet up for drinks, or I could invite you over for dinner. If there’s a special event you’re interested in attending but the ticket price is a concern, you might propose, “I’d love to join you, but I’m looking for a more affordable option. Could we find something cheaper?” Suggesting an alternative shows your friend that it’s not about them and helps you spend time together without going over your budget. — Tori Dunlap
Is it possible to form a genuine friendship solely through technology like email or text messages? While you can simulate friendship with a chatbot, true friendship involves physical connections that deepen the bond. Overreliance on asynchronous communication can impact the depth of friendships. It’s crucial to strike a balance that works for both parties, as physical interactions can enhance the relationship. Remember to avoid getting too caught up in online interactions and make an effort to connect in person. — Caitlin Begg
What should I do if a friend expects constant texting and I need to set boundaries? Start by setting a gentle boundary like, “I’ll call you later since texting at work is challenging.” If needed, suggest discussing matters in person or over a call. If ongoing long text conversations feel overwhelming for you, kindly explain that you prefer brief check-ins via text and save deeper conversations for in-person or over the phone. — Alexandra Hayes Robinson
How can I address my concerns about my friend’s romantic partner without causing conflict? Focus on specific behaviors rather than criticizing the partner’s character. For example, express your discomfort by saying, “I find it tough to see you being talked down to. I wish for someone who treats you with respect and love. How do you feel about that?” By pinpointing specific behaviors, you can convey your feelings without triggering defensiveness and encourage open communication with your friend. — Marisa Franco
Navigating friendships can be tricky, especially when it comes to hanging out with friends of friends. Some individuals may feel uncomfortable if their friends socialize without them. In a survey of 200 women, I found that people have varying opinions on this matter. Extroverts generally seem more open to it, while those with an anxious attachment style may be less comfortable.
The dynamics of the relationships involved can also influence how someone feels about the situation. If you and your friend’s friend are close, your friend may have reservations about you spending time together. However, if the connection is more casual, your friend may not mind.
Communication is key in these situations. If you’re interested in pursuing a connection with someone you met through your friend, consider informing your friend about your plans without seeking permission. Simply notify them, for example, “Hey, Kara and I hit it off at your party, and we’re planning to visit the museum on Saturday.”
Feeling like a third wheel in a friendship can be challenging. If you’re experiencing this, be open with your friends about your feelings and ask for their understanding. Reach out to friends you feel distant from and make efforts to reconnect. If issues persist, have an honest conversation to address any changes in the relationship.
Regarding staying friends with your friend’s ex, it’s essential to consider how it may impact your friendship with the original friend. Communicate openly with your friend about your intentions, and be wary of any potential complications or ulterior motives that could arise. Ultimately, prioritize maintaining healthy relationships and be prepared to reassess if tensions arise.
If you have further questions or need assistance, feel free to ask in the comments.
