Adopted from South Korea and raised in the US since she was six months old, Linsay DeBates made her first journey back to her birth country in 2000 at the age of 19. It was during this trip that she serendipitously met fellow American Doug Gist, sparking a friendship that has endured for 25 years. This story was originally published in March 2022 and has been updated in March 2025 to coincide with the launch of CNN’s Chance Encounters podcast.
Linsay DeBates, who had struggled with questions of identity and cultural belonging while growing up in the American Midwest, received a letter from her adoption agency in her late teens informing her that her birth family was interested in reconnecting. Eager for answers, she agreed to establish contact and began exchanging letters with her biological family in South Korea.
When the opportunity arose for Linsay to join a government-sponsored trip to Seoul alongside other South Korean adoptees from around the world, she seized the chance to explore her roots. Despite the initial excitement of meeting her birth parents for the first time, Linsay found herself grappling with feelings of isolation and confusion during the visit.
Following the tour, Linsay spent ten days getting to know her birth family in Daejeon, where the language barrier and emotional complexity of the reunion posed significant challenges. Feeling lost and overwhelmed, she sought solace in the international community of Itaewon, a suburb of Seoul known for its diverse population.
It was in Itaewon that Linsay encountered a group of American military personnel, including Doug Gist, who recognized her vulnerability and offered her companionship and support. This chance meeting marked the beginning of a lasting friendship that has endured over the years.
Through her journey of self-discovery and connection with her birth family, Linsay’s encounter with Doug Gist in South Korea remains a poignant reminder of the unexpected bonds that can form in the most unlikely of circumstances.
and valued friendship above all else. “I could see why she was so happy to have someone to talk to,” Doug tells CNN Travel. “Doug approached me in a way that was different from the other guys,” Linsay recalls. “He had this protective older brother vibe and made it clear to everyone, ‘She’s with me.'” After a chance encounter in Seoul, Linsay and Doug quickly became close friends. When the group stepped into a nearby bar, Doug sat beside Linsay. As she shared her story, delving into complex family dynamics and identity issues, the other men faded into the background, leaving Linsay and Doug engrossed in conversation into the night. “We just spent time together,” Doug remembers. “Actually, we stayed up all night.” As the bars closed, Doug escorted Linsay back to the seedy motel she had booked for the night. Concerned for her safety, Doug insisted, “You’re not staying here alone. I’ll sleep on the floor, but you’re not staying here alone.” Setting up a makeshift bed, Doug and Linsay stayed up talking throughout the night. “We just talked and talked, about our upbringings in Minnesota, our families,” Linsay recalls. “Nothing romantic happened,” Doug emphasizes. “But from that night on, we became instant best friends. It felt like we were destined to be buddies from that point forward.”
At some point during that evening, Linsay and Doug exchanged contact information, though neither can recall who initiated it. When Linsay returned to the US, she remained in touch with Doug through emails despite the distance. In 2000, without video calls or social media, their friendship endured, with long emails sustaining their connection.
This friendship ran deep, rooted in mutual support, shared laughter, and open conversations about everything. In 2002, Linsay returned to South Korea at 21 to explore her roots and build a stronger relationship with her birth family. Knowing the journey would be emotionally challenging, she reached out to Doug for support upon her arrival. Doug, a military linguist with proficiency in Korean, readily agreed to accompany her and assist with communication.
Having spent time in South Korea before meeting Linsay, Doug eagerly accepted her invitation to meet her family in Daejeon. Linsay’s family embraced Doug warmly, impressed by his gifts, eloquent Korean, and genuine demeanor. “He won them over right away,” Linsay recalls.
With Doug’s linguistic expertise and emotional support, Linsay bravely delved into challenging topics that had plagued her for years. Recalling the poignant moment when she began asking her mother difficult questions, Linsay sought to understand why she had been put up for adoption. The conversation was intense and emotional, but having Doug by her side as a compassionate ally was invaluable to Linsay. Doug’s sensitivity and kindness made a significant impact, despite the awkwardness he felt navigating such a delicate situation.
As Linsay returned to Minnesota after connecting with her birth family in a profound way for the first time, she found solace in the cathartic experience of being honest with her birth parents. Her journey to South Korea, although not providing all the answers she sought, helped her discover inner peace. Embracing her identity as a Korean adoptee, Linsay realized that her true home was in America. The sense of community she found among other adoptees further reinforced this understanding.
Maintaining their bond over two decades, Doug and Linsay stayed connected through emails and occasional meet-ups in South Korea and the U.S. Their friendship endured, with Doug even inviting Linsay to his wedding in Hawaii and ensuring she could attend by offering to cover her hotel expenses. Their reunions, whether in California or South Korea, always brought joy and a sense of familiarity. No matter how much time passed between their encounters, Doug and Linsay cherished the opportunity to catch up and embark on new adventures together.
Their friendship remained a constant presence in each other’s lives, with Doug’s unwavering support and companionship making a lasting impact on Linsay. Despite life’s changes and challenges, their bond endured, marked by shared experiences and mutual respect.
Doug became a father, and when his daughter was born, he and his wife decided unanimously to appoint Linsay as the godmother. Doug described the decision as a “no brainer.” He expressed gratitude for Linsay’s presence and the comfort of knowing she would support his family in any unfortunate event. Linsay shared a close bond with Doug’s wife, recalling their warm first meeting and how she was welcomed into their family without any jealousy or insecurity. Despite the distance between them, the friends last met in Hawaii in 2023, and Linsay eagerly anticipates visiting Doug and his family in Germany in April 2025.
Linsay and Doug have cherished a friendship of 25 years and eagerly await their reunion in Germany in 2025. Linsay, now a clinical social worker residing in Minnesota, has built a strong relationship with her birth family and stays connected with her niece through social media. Although her adopted father has passed away, her adopted mother has had virtual interactions with Doug, whom Linsay’s parents greatly appreciated for his support in Seoul.
Reflecting on her teenage struggles, Linsay acknowledges the positive impact Doug had on her self-acceptance and understanding of her place in the world. She expresses gratitude for encountering Doug and credits him with helping her recognize her worth and significance. Celebrating their enduring friendship, Doug and Linsay appreciate each other’s unwavering support and companionship. They share laughter, comfort, and joy in each other’s presence, creating memorable experiences regardless of their location.
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