In recent years, parents have been more vocal about breaking certain parenting habits, such as not apologizing to children and expecting kids to hug anyone who asks. With increased access to psychology-backed insights through social media, podcasts, and books, many parents and grandparents have been changing their approach to raising their kids or grandkids.
While gentle parenting, which prioritizes communication, validation, and respect while maintaining boundaries and rules, has been a game-changer for many, it’s important not only how you communicate with children but also what you say to them.
Parent coach Kristin Gallant and licensed marriage and family therapist Deena Margolin, known for their popular parenting platform “Big Little Feelings,” caution against using a certain well-meaning but flawed phrase with children. The phrase in question is “Be careful,” which, while rooted in good intentions, may not effectively convey the desired message to children.
Gallant and Margolin recommend using alternative phrases that promote self-awareness and critical thinking in children. Some of their suggested alternatives include:
1. “Look down where you’re stepping.”
2. “Hold on tightly with your hands.”
3. “What’s your plan here?”
4. “Do you see how close you are to the edge?”
By using these alternative phrases, parents and grandparents can help children develop awareness and decision-making skills while encouraging them to take age-appropriate risks.
“We aim for them to have the ability to introspect and choose for themselves, so that eventually, they can navigate situations independently and ask themselves, ‘Am I being careful?’ Child Psychologist Urges Parents and Grandparents to Implement These 10 ‘House Rules’ Immediately
1. “Say ‘help’ if you need my help.”
Margolin expresses her fondness for this rule, highlighting that by using this phrase, children are empowered to be in control while also knowing that help is available if needed.
2. “Do you feel safe?”
This prompt encourages children to reflect on their feelings and assess their safety in the present moment by observing their surroundings.
3. “How can your hands and feet help you here?”
When children are climbing, Margolin reminds them that their hands and feet are essential tools for navigating their environment.
4. “Notice [specific callout].”
An example provided by Margolin involves drawing attention to potential hazards, such as slippery rocks, to facilitate children’s awareness and guide their actions.
To instill positive behaviors in children, Gallant emphasizes the importance of modeling these behaviors yourself rather than just verbalizing them. By demonstrating respect, kindness, and caution in your own actions, you provide a powerful example for your children to follow.
To further support your child’s development, consider incorporating the above phrases into your interactions with them. By demonstrating healthy behaviors and attitudes, you can effectively nurture your child’s emotional and cognitive growth.
For more insights:
Parent coach Kristin Gallant and licensed marriage and family therapist Deena Margolin, the creators of “Big Little Feelings,” draw from their expertise and personal experiences as mothers to provide valuable parenting advice. With backgrounds in child development and mental health advocacy, they have amassed a large following on Instagram.”
