Editor’s note: A tragic incident has occurred at Abundant Life Christian School in Madison, Wisconsin, resulting in the loss of three lives due to a shooting. Unfortunately, shootings have become a distressing occurrence in the United States. Originally published in 2015, this story has been revisited and republished numerous times.
The burden of discussing such violence with children is a challenge many parents face when these incidents happen. There is no singular approach to broaching these tragedies with children, as it hinges on factors like the child’s age and temperament. Guidelines from the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest refraining from discussing such events with children under the age of 8, although individual circumstances may differ.
Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a parenting expert, advises that children below the age of 8 don’t need to be informed about such events unless they are at risk of hearing it from other sources. She emphasizes the importance of parents processing their emotional reactions before speaking to their children, as their responses can significantly impact the children.
Gilboa offers recommendations for parents of varying age groups when addressing unsettling news with their children. For preschool to kindergarten children, she suggests sharing a concise, age-appropriate story that aligns with the parents’ beliefs. Shielding elementary school children from distressing images and focusing on positive aspects of the situation is crucial.
With tweens, Gilboa advises starting the conversation by gauging their awareness of the event and listening to their feelings. Utilizing such discussions to reinforce values and beliefs can be valuable. For teenagers, encouraging discussions on finding solutions and fostering a sense of agency in dealing with tragic events can be beneficial. It is essential for parents to approach these conversations with sensitivity and empathy, considering the emotional impact on their children.
In regards to their emotions, teenagers will have higher expectations. “Teenagers are seeking out authenticity and solutions, and this new generation is deeply rooted in the values of collaboration and social justice,” she explained. “They will inevitably question, ‘What actions are you taking?’ You can respond by asking further, ‘What efforts are you making? What are your aspirations? How can we work together?'” Encouraging teenagers to actively engage in creating positive change will contribute to their resilience, she emphasized. Despite this, she underlined the importance for parents to listen attentively to their teens’ emotions and demonstrate empathy. “I firmly believe that taking action instills a sense of efficacy in us all,” Gilboa remarked. “When our children witness injustice, we want them to take steps to address it.”
