At the beginning of a new year, many of us seek ways to change our perspective. By drawing inspiration from Nelligan and influential figures worldwide, we can inspire our children to adopt five bold attitudes towards youth sports in 2025:
1. “Enjoy yourself”: Let your kids see your presence more than hear your voice during games. Our ninth grader once asked, “Where were you?” after a baseball game last fall when we arrived a few minutes late. Our absence was disruptive, just like his teammate’s mom giving batting tips while he was on deck. We often prioritize finding the best coaches or teams, but we may overlook the impact of simply being there. Nelligan emphasizes the importance of showing up and being present for our children’s events, even if they don’t acknowledge it. Our connection with our kids in a crowd is a powerful signal of our commitment to sharing this sports journey with them.
2. “Just get the ball to Louie”: Your child doesn’t have to be the star player to benefit fully from sports. In Braden Nelligan’s travel lacrosse games, we heard the coach’s hoarse shouts of “Just get the ball to Louie!” in crucial moments – as Louie was the coach’s son. Initially seeming like favoritism, Nelligan and his sons later understood that getting the ball to Louie gave their team the best chance to score. This concept became a family metaphor for understanding one’s role in different life situations. Rather than imposing unrealistic expectations, let children discover their roles themselves.
3. “It’s the end of the world”: Your child will learn more from a loss than from a win. Texas faced a critical 4th-and-13 on New Year’s Day, highlighting the lessons in defeat. Losses can be more educational for children than wins, teaching resilience and determination. Embrace these moments as valuable learning experiences for your child’s growth and development.
In the Peach Bowl College Football Playoff quarterfinal, Arizona State was ahead 31-24 in overtime, seemingly on the verge of victory against Texas. However, a quick 28-yard touchdown pass from Quinn Ewers to Matthew Golden turned the game around, leading to a Texas win of 39-31 in two overtimes. It was a surprising play akin to those seen in youth sports events, causing disbelief and disappointment for the Sun Devils and their fans.
In the aftermath of the heartbreaking loss, Arizona State coach Kenny Dillingham emphasized the importance of sportsmanship, ensuring his players shook hands with the victorious Texas team despite the defeat. The moment served as a reminder of the resilience that can be built through facing and overcoming losing moments.
Nelligan, a coach, stresses the significance of learning from losing experiences, highlighting that they can shape character and build resilience more effectively than winning moments. He encourages facing challenges head-on with a positive outlook, using humor and light-heartedness to navigate difficult situations. Nelligan’s approach emphasizes the importance of maintaining a sense of humor and perspective, especially in the face of adversity.
Through anecdotes and family sayings, Nelligan’s sons learned valuable lessons about perseverance, humor, and resilience. The family’s lighthearted approach to life’s challenges, including sports events, exemplifies the power of humor in fostering connections and overcoming obstacles.
Nelligan’s emphasis on humor and levity as teaching tools resonates beyond sports, highlighting the universal value of maintaining a positive outlook in the face of difficulties. The ability to find humor in any situation, as exemplified by Nelligan’s family, serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of perspective and resilience in navigating life’s ups and downs.
A sophomore recently shared a letter with me, which was originally written five years ago. In the letter, the student had reached out to all living presidents seeking advice on how to engage in public service. Surprisingly, only Jimmy Carter took the time to respond to the young individual’s inquiry.
Carter imparted a valuable lesson in perseverance, emphasizing the importance of honoring commitments, whether to oneself or to others. This advice holds significance not only in the realm of public service but also in sports. The former president highlighted the necessity of teamwork, even in situations where personal preferences may clash with team dynamics. The ability to collaborate with all team members, including those one may not particularly resonate with, is essential for achieving collective success.
Furthermore, Carter’s message underlined the significance of basic conduct in sportsmanship. Simple gestures such as washing one’s uniform after each game, maintaining a professional appearance on the field, and exhibiting respect by making eye contact when interacting with coaches are all essential aspects of fostering a positive sports environment.
The student who received Carter’s advice, referred to as Nelligan, has wholeheartedly embraced these principles and instilled them in his three sons. Each of his sons has pursued a path of service, with two attending prestigious military academies and one graduating from Williams College. Nelligan’s commitment to these values is evident in his parenting style, as he prioritizes the fundamental joys of watching his children engage in sports activities.
Notably, Nelligan’s youngest son, KoiKoi, obtained a special waiver from Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin to compete professionally with Old Glory DC in Major League Rugby. Despite his father’s steadfast support at games, Nelligan has chosen to forego the traditional attire of a suit in favor of celebrating his son’s accomplishments in a more relaxed manner.
Reflecting on his experiences as a sports parent, Nelligan acknowledges the evolving dynamics of setting examples for his children. As his son transitions into professional sports, Nelligan recognizes the shifting roles, with KoiKoi now serving as a source of inspiration for his father to follow.
Steve Borelli, also known as Coach Steve, shares his insights as a seasoned editor and writer for USA TODAY, drawing on his extensive coaching background with his own children. With a current focus on supporting his high schooler and middle schooler in their sports endeavors, Borelli offers a unique perspective on the challenges and rewards of being a sports parent.
In conclusion, the journey of youth sports parents encompasses a multitude of perspectives and experiences, each contributing to the rich tapestry of family involvement in athletics. The dedication, values, and evolving dynamics within sports families highlight the enduring impact of sportsmanship and parental support on young athletes’ development.
