The author’s children, who are not shown in the image, are aware that they can use her as a reason to decline social invitations. Once her children began receiving invites from friends, she informed them that it was okay to decline. She also assured them that they could use her as an excuse if needed. The author engages in discussions with her children about why they may not want to participate in certain activities socially.
Reflecting on her own past experiences, the author recalls being reluctantly invited to a birthday sleepover in 7th grade by a neighbor due to their mothers’ friendship. Despite not wanting to attend, her own mother insisted it would be impolite to decline. This memory has stuck with her as her own children navigate social events.
In a recent incident, one of the author’s sons was invited to a friend’s house but was hesitant to say no without upsetting his friend. After discussing options, the author suggested that he could use her as an excuse by mentioning family plans. The son’s relief was evident, and he felt more comfortable declining the invitation. This tactic has been employed before, and the author’s teenagers know that they can rely on her to provide an excuse if needed.
While some may argue against this form of parental intervention, the author believes that helping her children manage social interactions, especially during adolescence, is important. Although she aims for her children to develop the skills to decline invitations politely and honestly, she acknowledges that it takes time to learn this skill. Thus, offering them an easy out from uncomfortable situations is seen as helpful.
The author emphasizes teaching her children kindness and tact in handling social situations. While honesty is crucial in certain aspects like schoolwork and commitments, social scenarios often require diplomacy. By providing her children with a safety net in the form of using her as an excuse, the author hopes to help them navigate tricky situations with less stress and discomfort.
If my kids ever feel pressured or uncomfortable in a situation, they can use me as an excuse to leave without any questions asked. Phrases like “My mom needs me home” or “My parents won’t let me” serve as ready-made exits for them to quickly extricate themselves. While I believe it’s important for them to learn to assert themselves and say no, it’s a skill that takes time and confidence to develop. I strive to keep communication open so we can discuss these scenarios and the reasons behind their desire to decline, allowing me to gain insight into their challenges. Until my kids feel confident handling these situations independently, I’ll be there to provide them with an easy way out whenever they need it. If that means shouldering the blame for turning down invitations, I’m more than willing to take on that role.
