Suzanne O’Brien has had a unique insight into the minds of those nearing the end of life. Having been present at the bedside of over 1,000 individuals worldwide during their final moments, from her home in the U.S. to places like Thailand and Zimbabwe, O’Brien, a registered nurse, felt called to move into hospice care over twenty years ago. Since then, she has served as an oncology nurse and a death doula, providing emotional and physical support to those facing the end of life by assisting them in navigating their own grief.
In her recent book, “The Good Death,” O’Brien aims to destigmatize the realities of death and underscore the importance of planning for one’s final days. Drawing from insights shared by her patients, she highlights common themes often experienced by those nearing death, including profound spiritual realizations about life that offer valuable lessons for all. O’Brien notes that regardless of background or wealth, individuals tend to reflect on what they have learned, what they regret, what they wish they had done, and what they were too afraid to pursue.
Reflecting on her interactions with patients, O’Brien discusses three key regrets commonly expressed by individuals at the end of life and how these reflections have influenced her own approach to living:
1. Not fulfilling one’s purpose: Many individuals express regret at not pursuing their long-held aspirations. O’Brien emphasizes the significance of recognizing and utilizing one’s gifts and taking action towards fulfilling one’s purpose. She encourages embracing new opportunities without succumbing to fear or self-doubt, emphasizing the importance of making progress each day towards aligned goals.
2. Not fully embracing love: O’Brien observes that many individuals regret not allowing themselves to love and be loved unconditionally. She stresses the importance of forgiveness, both towards oneself and others, as a transformative tool for releasing past grievances and fostering authentic connections throughout life.
3. Not seeking emotional resolution: O’Brien highlights the importance of addressing emotional wounds and relational challenges to cultivate inner peace and genuine connections. She underscores the transformative power of forgiveness and encourages individuals to confront unresolved issues to find grace and healing within themselves.
By sharing these insights gleaned from her experiences with patients, O’Brien encourages others to reflect on these themes and consider how they can lead more purposeful, loving, and emotionally fulfilling lives.
Resentment can hinder connections, but recognizing life’s gifts can deepen them. People on their deathbed often realize the value of small moments previously overlooked. Studies show that mindfulness and awe can bring peace by focusing on the present and surroundings. Embracing daily joys like birdsong or a walk in the park can shift perspectives. Being present helps people live authentically and find joy in experiences. A shift in mindset can break free from mental prisons and lead to a more fulfilling life. This article was first published on Fortune.com.
