“Through the links provided in this article, Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may receive a commission or generate revenue.” My daughter’s struggle to unlock a door with a key sparked my concerns about her independence. When her pre-K school closed during the coronavirus pandemic, I realized that she always had a parent close by to assist her. This contrasted with my own childhood when I had to manage tasks independently as a “latchkey” kid. Wanting to nurture her self-sufficiency, I assigned her the responsibility of unlocking the door. However, I wondered what else I might be overlooking in her development towards autonomy. These worries led me to explore Panda Parenting, a modern approach to parenting that prioritizes fostering independence.Esther Wojcicki popularized the term in her book, How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results. Wojcicki, mother to successful individuals like Susan Wojcicki and Anne Wojcicki, emphasizes the importance of encouraging children to be self-starting and independent. Panda Parenting advocates for providing a supportive structure that allows children to make decisions, take risks, and learn from their experiences. It’s about finding a balance between guidance and freedom to help kids build self-confidence and resilience. Despite its name, Panda Parenting requires active effort from parents. Wojcicki’s parenting principles, encapsulated in the TRICK acronym (Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness), focus on teaching children how to make considerate choices rather than enforcing obedience through strict rules. Panda parents set clear boundaries while enabling children to face the consequences of their actions. Instead of immediate intervention or reprimand, Panda parents encourage thoughtful decision-making and learning from mistakes.
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“What do you think happened here?” or “How do you want to handle this next time?” The good news is that this parenting style is more effective than the permissive parenting that the name evokes. “One of the biggest benefits of panda parenting is that it fosters independence and self-confidence in children,” Modeste adds. “By allowing kids to navigate challenges on their own — while knowing they have a safe, supportive parent to turn to — they learn resilience and decision-making skills that will serve them for life. This approach also strengthens the parent-child bond because communication is built on trust and mutual respect rather than control. Children raised with this method often develop strong emotional intelligence, creativity, and the ability to advocate for themselves.” So it’s not just the key-turning or other skills I should focus on when I raise my pandemic-reared child. I should take a step back and make sure she knows how to approach a problem like a locked door, and where she can turn for help if she is truly stumped. Panda Parenting Also Isn’t New The more I learned about Panda Parenting, though, the more familiar it sounded. Encouraging independence, problem-solving, and resilience didn’t originate with Wojcicki. I was reminded of Lenore Skenazy, who coined the term “free-range parenting” after she wrote a column for the New York Sun about letting her 9-year-old take the subway home by himself. They went over the route together. They talked about what to do if he got lost. (She gave him quarters to call home if he needed to.) And then she let him go, without tailing him from a distance, and celebrated when he made it back on his own. Sounds like she hit every TRICK in the book. The column was written in 2008, more than 10 years before How to Raise Successful People. Skenazy didn’t really invent this type of parenting style on her own, either. “Authoritative parenting is a type of parenting researched since the ’60s that involves a combination of warmth with limits, which Panda Parenting promotes,” clinical psychologist Emily Edlynn, Ph.D., author of Autonomy-Supportive Parenting. “As the author of a book on the subject, though, Panda Parenting essentially replicates autonomy-supportive principles of encouraging independence and a sense of responsibility, being supportive while setting limits, and balancing discipline with freedom.” In other words, Dr. Edlynn says, “It seems to be a new branding for what we’ve known is the healthiest way to parent for a long time.” Call it free-range, authoritative, autonomy-supporting, or anti-fragile parenting, the bottom line for me seems to be the same: Butt out. Open fewer bananas. Solve fewer problems, ask more questions. It’s the same parenting advice I’d been receiving since before my daughter was even born, but I
