Unlock the Mystery of Managing Jealousy
In a recent episode of the podcast Chasing Life With Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the host delves into the scientific understanding of jealousy and its impact on our lives. The experience of jealousy, characterized by various physical sensations such as stomach discomfort, trembling knees, or a racing heart, is a universal one that most people have encountered at some point. Particularly in today’s digital age, occasions like Valentine’s Day can exacerbate feelings of insecurity, fueled by social media comparisons. Despite being often seen as a negative and base emotion, jealousy may not be entirely detrimental.
Psychologist and jealousy specialist Dr. Joli Hamilton challenges the common perception of jealousy as purely negative. She highlights research suggesting that jealousy can manifest as early as infancy, serving a protective function by maintaining bonds with important individuals. Rather than dismissing jealousy as purely harmful, she suggests that understanding and addressing jealousy can enhance self-awareness and deepen connections with partners.
For Hamilton, her own exploration of jealousy began when she transitioned from monogamy to polyamory, leading her to confront her own struggles with the emotion. Through her research, she discovered that jealousy can be a catalyst for clarifying personal values, setting boundaries, and engaging in open conversations with loved ones. While jealousy can indeed create challenges, it also has the potential to offer valuable insights when navigated thoughtfully.
Ultimately, jealousy, far from being a primitive emotion, serves as a complex and evolved response that can either be constructive or destructive depending on how it is managed. By recognizing the protective aspects of jealousy and engaging in honest communication, individuals can work towards transforming jealousy from a source of distress into an opportunity for growth.
Listen to the full podcast episode here to delve deeper into the complexities of jealousy and learn strategies for addressing the green-eyed monster.
Are you wondering what to do when jealousy comes knocking on your door? Hamilton offers five tips on what to avoid doing and what you could try instead.
Firstly, Hamilton advises against jumping to conclusions and panicking. When jealousy arises, take a moment to recognize the sensations in your body and investigate the situation before reacting. Instead of letting your emotions take over, pause and get curious about what is truly happening.
Next, resist the urge to act out in damaging ways. Avoid destructive behaviors like vandalizing property or seeking revenge, as these actions may harm your relationships in the long run. Instead, focus on regulating your emotions and body by practicing self-control techniques like deep breathing or physical movements to release pent-up energy.
Furthermore, don’t spiral into shame over feeling jealous. Remember that jealousy is a common emotion that serves a purpose, so normalize it and listen to what it may be trying to communicate to you. Avoid demonizing jealousy, both in yourself and others, and instead acknowledge it as a natural feeling.
Lastly, Hamilton warns against romanticizing jealousy, as it can lead to unrealistic expectations and potentially harmful outcomes. Rather than glorifying jealousy as a sign of passion or care, recognize the importance of healthy communication and setting boundaries in a relationship. By understanding and addressing jealousy in a rational manner, you can navigate challenging emotions and strengthen your connections with others.
“Instead, I would encourage you to romanticize the act of openly sharing your expectations,” she mentioned. “It may not sound glamorous, but I can assure you that once you make it a regular practice, it truly is beneficial.”
“There are various behaviors that trigger our jealousy, many of which are more subtle than simply witnessing your partner kiss someone else,” she pointed out. “For instance, consider how you feel when your partner likes someone else’s posts on Instagram. Have you discussed what this means to you? Do you assume they should never engage in such actions without explicitly communicating about it?”
She emphasized the importance of not attempting to provoke jealousy in your partner or using it as a tactic. “Jealousy is often perceived as a sign of love, a notion that has been ingrained in us,” Hamilton explained. “However, if you feel neglected, it’s crucial to prompt your partner to express their affection in different ways. Try introducing new and exciting activities, breaking free from routines, or seeking assistance from a sex therapist or coach if you’re experiencing a lack of desire. It might be time to explore fresh avenues.”
Attempting to evoke jealousy in your partner for validation can lead to negative consequences, she cautioned, indicating that it can become a manipulative game or a control tactic.
These five tips are intended to assist you in managing jealousy constructively. For the complete episode, listen here, and stay tuned for next week’s episode of the Chasing Life podcast, where we delve into the detrimental effects of ultraprocessed foods.
CNN Audio’s contribution was made by Sofía Sanchez in the preparation of this report.
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