Zombieing is not just confined to horror movies or doomsday fiction anymore. This modern dating term has entered the lexicon, adding a new twist to the concept of ghosting. “In today’s digital dating landscape, people are navigating relationships in unconventional (and sometimes aggravating) ways, such as ex-partners or past flings resurfacing out of the blue,” explains Claudia Giolitti-Wright, MA, LMFT from Psychotherapy for Young Women based in New York City. Shan Boodram, Bumble’s expert on sex and relationships, likens zombieing to the phenomenon of ghosting. While ghosting refers to someone vanishing without explanation, zombieing occurs when the ghoster reappears unexpectedly.
Boodram elaborates on the various ways zombies might resurface, like engaging with your social media posts, messaging you after a period of silence, or commenting on your posts after ignoring previous messages. Whether you have experienced zombieing or are supporting a friend going through it, it’s essential to understand this dating trend. To shed light on zombieing confusion, we sought advice from dating experts on how to manage the return of someone from your past seemingly out of nowhere.
**What is Zombieing?**
Zombieing is when someone who previously ghosted you suddenly returns, often pretending as if nothing happened. Giolitti-Wright lists common examples of zombieing, such as reaching out with a casual message like “Hey, how have you been?” or interacting with your posts after a long period of silence. The sudden reappearance can be puzzling, especially when there was no prior explanation for their disappearance. Giolitti-Wright emphasizes that deciding whether to engage with the zombie depends on whether they deserve a second chance in your life.
Boodram warns that zombieing can be more emotionally draining than ghosting due to the added confusion it brings.
**Why Do People Zombie?**
Various reasons may drive someone to zombie an old romantic interest. According to Boodram, zombieing is often a way to shirk responsibility or out of sheer boredom. It might also stem from uncertainty about their desires or fear of commitment. Giolitti-Wright adds that individuals may resurface out of loneliness, seeking validation, or testing your interest. The ease of reconnecting through dating apps and social media contributes to the prevalence of zombieing, turning their return into a casual game rather than a genuine effort to reconnect.
**What to Do If You’re Zombied**
If someone who previously ghosted you reappears, Giolitti-Wright suggests taking a moment to assess the situation.
When considering how to handle someone who has ghosted you, it’s important to ask yourself: “Do they genuinely show interest in making amends, or are they simply seeking attention?” Relationship expert Giolitti-Wright suggests that if the person in question fails to acknowledge the ghosting or provide a genuine explanation, it may be appropriate to either disregard their attempts at reconnection or establish a clear boundary.
The phenomenon of being “zombied” can be particularly vexing as it often lacks closure. However, the silver lining is that you hold the power to decide who is allowed back into your life. Giolitti-Wright advises individuals to pay attention to recurring behavior patterns, trust their instincts, and bear in mind that those who truly care about you won’t leave you wondering about their intentions.
On a more pessimistic note, relationship expert Boodram points out that zombies are not rational beings and are incapable of engaging in the necessary conversations. She humorously imagines the absurd scenario of trying to discuss boundaries with a ghoul. According to Boodram, once you recognize a person’s repeated behavior, it is crucial to disengage. She suggests making it clear to them that if they wish to regain your attention, they must first take responsibility for their inconsistent actions and commit to a more reliable mode of communication moving forward.
This insightful discussion on handling ghosting and zombieing was originally featured on TODAY.com.
