Uncover the Mystery Behind Pizza Chain Rankings
The average American consumes 180 slices of pizza annually, inevitably encountering some subpar options along the way. Nobody should have to endure a soggy crust, burnt pepperoni, or cheese resembling cardboard, yet we’ve all been subjected to disappointing pizza at some point.
Fortunately, there are ways to steer clear of such culinary disappointments. If you’re in the market for top-notch pizza for your next gathering or movie night, it’s advisable to steer clear of certain national pizza chains.
1. Sbarro
Sbarro, a chain that seems perpetually on the brink of extinction, mysteriously resurfaces in mall food courts when least expected. No one has ever eagerly suggested ordering pizza from Sbarro. The chain’s survival seems to hinge on being the lone option available at late-night airport terminals. Upon encountering a Sbarro outlet, one is met with pre-made pizzas languishing under heat lamps. How long have they been sitting there? Can the heat lamps ward off flies? Are the dried-out crusts a dental hazard? It’s best to walk past Sbarro and seek out a different dining experience.
2. Papa John’s
Papa John’s endures not for its pizza but for its garlic sauce and pepperoncini peppers, essential for masking the chain’s subpar pies. Despite founder John’s departure from the company amidst controversy, the pizza itself fails to impress. Papa John’s reputation revolves more around scandal than culinary excellence.
3. Cicis Pizza
Cicis may offer whole pizzas to go, but it’s the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet that lures customers. The appeal of endless pizza remains a mystery, as the buffet selections quickly deteriorate into cardboard-like substances after sitting out for a mere 20 minutes. The low price reflects the poor quality of ingredients, leaving only ravenous teenage athletes satisfied with their meal.
4. Chuck E. Cheese
In an attempt to boost pizza sales during the pandemic, Chuck E. Cheese rebranded as Pasqually’s on delivery apps. Without the chaotic atmosphere of a child-filled restaurant, few would voluntarily order their lackluster pizza. The absence of the animatronic spectacle renders their offerings unappealing to most.
5. Pizza Hut
Pizza Hut’s glory days are long gone, surviving solely on nostalgia. Once renowned for its pizza buffets, the chain now serves oily, sponge-like pies. The only plausible location to dine at Pizza Hut may be the airport, as few crave their lackluster fare.
6. Little Caesars
Little Caesars deserves credit for its transparency; it offers no illusions about its products. Priced at a mere $6, their pizzas are often “hot ‘n ready,” though not necessarily appetizing. While the low cost may seem appealing, the excessive grease content may not sit well with your body.
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