The customs regarding resting your elbows on a table have evolved as part of changing etiquette norms. Nowadays, many traditional etiquette practices seem outdated, such as strict dress codes and time-consuming formalities. Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, highlighted how etiquette adapts to reflect the current time, space, and culture. The core values of kindness, grace, consideration, savvy, and confidence remain relevant in modern etiquette.
While etiquette is rooted in precedent like British law, it also progresses over time. Mariah Grumet Humbert, founder of Old Soul Etiquette, emphasized that the essence of etiquette, which involves awareness and consideration for others, has remained constant. However, guidelines for social and professional situations have evolved to keep pace with societal changes, such as the introduction of social media and email etiquette.
As society becomes more inclusive and diverse, many old etiquette rules rooted in outdated norms are being questioned. Thomas Farley, known as Mister Manners, explained that etiquette should adapt to cultural shifts rather than remain rigid. While traditional etiquette still holds value, there are outdated formalities and practices that may no longer serve a meaningful purpose.
For instance, declining invitations is now acceptable as long as it’s done politely and in a timely manner. Likewise, the strict rule against putting elbows on the table has softened over time. While it was once prohibited at all times, it is now acceptable to rest your elbows on the table between courses or during post-dinner conversation. However, it is still considered impolite to have elbows on the table while eating. This shows how some etiquette practices have evolved to reflect modern social norms and behaviors.
“Body language plays a significant role in communication and posture maintenance. It is customary for men to walk on the street side of the sidewalk when walking with a woman. However, this tradition has evolved over time and is no longer strictly followed. In the past, this practice was tied to historical reasons, such as avoiding dirt from passing carriages. Nowadays, there is no fixed rule on sidewalk placement, and it is more important to consider comfort and safety, especially for women wearing heels.
The rule about not wearing white after Labor Day is outdated. It originated from a time when social class distinctions were reflected in fashion choices. Today, white can be worn throughout the year with appropriate clothing materials and styles.
Arriving early to social events is not always necessary and can sometimes be considered inconsiderate to the host. It is best to arrive on time or slightly after the start time to show respect for the host’s preparation.
Handwritten thank-you notes are a thoughtful gesture but not always mandatory. Expressing gratitude through text or email is also acceptable, particularly for casual occasions. While handwritten notes are still appreciated for formal events like weddings, modern etiquette allows for electronic forms of gratitude.
There is no obligation to finish every bite on your plate as was once customary. It is more important to listen to your body’s cues and avoid overeating. Intuitive eating is encouraged over the pressure to clean your plate.
Overall, modern etiquette emphasizes practicality, comfort, and consideration for others over rigid adherence to outdated traditions.”
The way to address married recipients of formal mail has evolved. Nowadays, many spouses have different surnames or prefer not to see only one first name on an envelope. The traditional practice of addressing a husband and wife as “Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s First Name + Couple’s Last Name” is considered outdated. Instead, a more modern approach is to use both spouses’ first names followed by the shared last name, without a set preference on the order. For example, “Jane and James Schuster” or “James and Jane Schuster.”
Modern etiquette is more lenient on hat-wearing indoors, allowing for greater acceptance regardless of gender. However, it is still customary to remove hats in religious settings or during the national anthem.
Gender-based protocols for introductions are now more flexible, with no strict rule on who should introduce themselves first. Similarly, the outdated practice of a man waiting for a woman to initiate a handshake is no longer relevant. Everyone should feel empowered to initiate a greeting regardless of gender.
When answering the phone, it is no longer necessary to state your name if the caller’s identity is known thanks to caller ID. Simply greeting the caller by name is sufficient.
Regarding dating etiquette, the outdated notion that the man must always pay for the date is considered old-fashioned. Instead, the person who initiates the date is responsible for planning and covering the expenses.
While black attire is still common at Western funerals, it is no longer expected to be the only acceptable color. Subdued tones like navy, gray, and muted hues are considered respectful and appropriate. Cultural norms around mourning attire vary, so it’s advisable to research before attending a funeral.
The practice of submitting formal letters for life events, such as when moving to a new city, is no longer necessary in modern times. The expectation for a letter of introduction to visit or join organizations has faded.
We are grateful that we have moved beyond the time when women were required to resign from their jobs upon getting married or having a child. The tradition of men pulling out a chair for women originated from a practical need in the 17th and 18th centuries when women wore large hoop skirts that made it difficult to sit down without assistance. However, with modern fashion trends, this gesture is no longer essential in most situations. While it is a considerate display of chivalry, it is not considered a serious breach of etiquette if a man does not assist a woman with her chair. For more etiquette tips, you can read about 12 ways you might unknowingly be rude at a wedding, the rudest behaviors in parking situations, and who traditionally hosts a baby shower.
